she is lucky..rite?

Tomorrow, her birthday. I bet she will have a very grand birthday party like she always has. errmm..what a lucky person. I never celebrate my birthday with my friends at the luxury place, luxury food and glamour peoples. What i had was a small cake, a prayer and been surrounded with my beloved family. Am thankful to god, at least my beloved family still remember my birthday.

Looking back to my schooldays, make me thinking. looking at my friends their latest picture, the latest vacation of their family, the latest achievement in their life, i felt i left behind. Yeah, some of them are turn to soemone that really different, beautiful and gorgeous. Their hair, dress are totally different compared to what I have now. Ermm..but he always said..am a beautiful person. I am... I am

am trying to finish this...

Am trying, am trying..am trying....

feel bad

He just sent me message and told me that he is on the way out for shopping with them. A lil bit of jealous, but nevermind, i know in his heart and his mind, always thinking about me. Hahhaa.. love to know that!! there is someone that really care and love me with all his heart and soul. Its going to be 5 years now. Wow..such a long time yea!!!

Chatting with my twin, and he's telling how tired he is lately. Of course, he's been busy managing sports activity in his school. Good job. He was managing soccer team, handball and evrything. Sometimes, i have a thought, no others teacher are willing to do ke? Or my twin ni gila kuasa? Hhahahha...anyway...keep up the good work dear.
Tomorrow is Friday. Aiyooo, having Physical Education 5 periods enough make me sweating. i need to do lots of exercise, my body is 'expanding'. I must do something. Before its too late. Before my butt and my waist can't fit in my lovely jeans (size 28). What is wrong with my body? i used to very concern with every kilos that i gain, but now..my apetite is like..veerrrry big. Having heavy meals everyday and i sleep during daytime for one hour is enough to develop some extra part at my waist, neck and face. Oooooh no!!!! Am fat....I skip my aerobics routine for about one month, and the result is my weight now is 5*kg. WHAT???

Trying to finish a book " Confession of the Air Hostess". what a lovely book. Fun reading. But, evrytime am trying to read, my eyes feel heavy n finally..u know!!
Need to go downstairs n grab something to chew. what? again? errrk..i just had tandoori chicken and garlic naan cheese for my dinner and now, i feel i want to eat again...!! HELLOOOOOOO, what's wrong with you jill?
You depressed? Yea...i am. So?

fight again...

I don't know how to put in words anymore. How much I hate him. I can't live without him anymore. Too much contradiction. And I hate it for sure. we always start a fight just because of small things. For example, he likes to hang out with his friend (useless friend), until late night. Actually, telling you the truth, i love he doing that so that i have much time alone, reading, surfing and messaging.

If he really loves to hang out with friend, then leave me. Please, please don't burden me with your problems anymore. i hate you!!! You are not supporting, you don't have any motivation and you can't be neither a good husband nor a father. You suck!!

What is wrong me? How long I have to wait, how long? I'm 28 years old now, I want to move forward. My life is very important now. My aiden and my future. be with him, is like hang myself and waiting to DIE!!! Please..please God!!

" my head now is swimming with my own insecurities"

my fave long song...

Pride can stand a thousand trials

The strong will never fall

But watching stars without you

My soul cries

Heaving heart is full of pain

Oooh, oooh, the aching

'Cause I'm kissing you, oooh

I'm kissing you, oooh

Touch me deep, pure and true

Give to me forever

'Cause I'm kissing you, oooh

I'm kissing you, oooh

Where are you now

Where are you now

'Cause I'm kissing you I'm kissing you, oooh

Finally....

Arghh, my body needs a break after a very tiring days last week. Am so tired!! Latihan sukan sudah cukup membuatkan badan aku letih dan tak bermaya. Even semua orang kata aku aktif dan nampak cergas but the truth is..am suffering!! Walupun rumah BENDAHARA tak menang, tapi at least aku dah tunaikan tanggungjawab aku dan aku rasa aku berjaya melakukannya. Hiasan rumah walaupun tak berapa nak cantik, tapi sekurang-kurangnya berkat kerjasama aku and the others teacher, rumah BENDAHARA berjaya gaks jadi 'port' bagi budak-budak. Happynya aku...

Sukan dah abih, have to be in school again, for a camp!! Had great time with the students. Hahaha..let me tll you a story. The fisrt night, i was there..i was so excited and i can't wait to sleep in a tent. I asked the student to change the camp, because the tent that provided for us is very small, how impossible to accomadate four of us. Then, we changed, and we got the bigger one. Fuuuhhh..!! How comfortable that was..

I was sleeping early, and before sleep, of course my ears were very sensitive to all those conversations that been made by my students. Ahhaa..guess what, all those conversation were about their boyfriends. How they first met, their memories, their feeling and everything. None of their conversation is about academic related. How sad...!! NO..i don't want to hear that anymore. Sleep..sleep!!
Awake after 30 minutes, and look around. Realizes that Bib, Bibi and azah, were not inside yet..Got up and looked for them. Found them. In the surau ( dok iron baju).. called them and asked them to join me in the camp.

Ermm..four of us, tried to sleep. But, all of sudden, I realized that the wind..no more wind!!! Arghhhh..panas, very hot!!! Suddenly, We heard "ppppuuuuuuuttttttt". My student fart in the next tent, Automatically, we laughed out loud ( very cruel)!!! Haaa..then we got no choice, we can't sleep there. Got up with the matress, toto n pillow.
Finally, we chose surau as our bed room!! how's nice..with all that fan around us. Lied down n sleep.

Woke up at 6, n get ready to school. I know, another tiring day. Lots of works to do!!

confession to make...

You wondered how you'd make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see."